There Once Was A Man Who Had A Very Well Developed Liking For Beans (green Beans, Wax Beans, Kidney Beans, Limas - It Didn't Matter Which, He Liked Them All).

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There once was a man who had a very well developed liking for beans (green
beans, wax beans, kidney beans, limas - it didn't matter which, he liked
them all). He would go out of his way to get a good bowl of beans. There
came a day, however, when he had to forsake his beloved beans for his only
other love - the girl he was to marry. He did without his beans for several
years. Then, one day, which happened to be his birthday, he was walking home
from work when he passed a small roadside cafe which was having a special
on ... baked beans! "Since it's my birthday," he thought, "I deserve a
special present. I'll have enough time to get rid of the after effects
before I get home, so I'll treat myself to a steaming bowl of those beans!"
So he went in and had bowl, after bowl, after bowl of them. He then pro-
ceeded to lay a noxious vapor trail all the way home. When he arrived at
home, his wife met him outside the door with a blindfold, saying, "I don't
want you to see your surprise." After blindfolding him, she led him into
the dining room, seated him at the table and left, saying, "I have to get
the rest of your surprise." While she was gone, he felt the urge to get
rid of some of the tremendous pressure that was building up, so he lifted
one leg to get some relief. He didn't get enough leverage, so he lifted
the other leg, and proceeded to rip a prolonged, and very wet, fart. Soon
he heard his wife returning, so he straightened his pants legs, waved the
air, and settled himself. When his wife returned, she removed his blind-
fold to reveal a melted birthday cake and his friends passed out around
the table.