The new priest was so nervous at his first Christmas Mass that he could
hardly speak. Before his second appearance in thee pulpit he asked the
Monsignor how he could relax. The monsignoe said next sunday it may help
if you put some vodka in the water pitcher. After a few sips everything
should go smoothly.
The next Sunday the new priest put the suggestion into practice and was
able to talk up a storm. He felt great, however, upon returni8ng to the
rectory he found a note from the Monsignor which read as follows:
1. Next time sip rather than gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments not 12.
3. There are 12 Disciples not 10.
4. We do not refer to the cross as The Big T.
5. The recommended grace before meals is not Rub a dub dub, thanks for
the grub, Yeah God!
6. Do not refer to our saviour Jesus Christ and his apostles as J. C.
and the boys.
7. David Slew Goliath, he did not beat the shit out of him.
8. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, are never referred to as Big Daddy,
Junior and the Spook.
9. It's always the Virgin Mary, not Mary with the cherry.
10. Last but not least, next Wednesday there will be a taffy puulling
contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's
