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  Nothing improves with age. No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again....
• What should you do if your dog is missing? Check the lost and hound.
• MURPHY'S LAWS ON SEX -------------------- 1.
  The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings....
• 52 Good reasons why Beer is Better than Women!!!! 1.
  You can enjoy a beer all night long. 2. Beer stains wash out....
• 100 reasons it's great to be a guy: 1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
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• How do you have fun with a dead hamster? Tie its tail to the exercise wheel and give it a spin.
• Some Reasons It's Great To Be a Guy: Phone conversations last 30 seconds You know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase Bathroom lines are 80% shorter You can open all your own jars Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight When clicking through the channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying You don't have to lug a bag of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go You can go to the bathroom alone Your last name stays put You can leave a hotel room bed unmade You can kill your own food The garage is all yours You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment" You never have to clean the toile You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes Wedding plans take care of themselves If someone forgets to invite you to something
  hey can still be your friend Your underwear costs $...
• EEKING OUT A LIVING IN RADIOACTIVE SHOES Come now, don’t any of you baby boomers remember having your childhood feet x-rayed at the shoe store?
  It was right about the time we were being stuffed with megadoses of penicillin no matter what the wheezy etiology, and ducking for cover under one-armed elementary school desks in mock nuclear bomb attacks....