Let's say you were trapped inside this room. Inside this room
were 2 doors, and 2 caged talking - tigers. One of the
doors was an exit into the paradise. The other was an
exit into a bottomless pit- (In other words, if you opened
this door, you'd fall until your insides get ripped apart by
the G-forces- actually you'd still fall- Anyway...)
Since these tigers talked, you could ask them questions.
Actually, you could ask one question (to either Tiger) because
if you asked more than one, both cages would disentegrate, and
the Tigers would devour you. Anyway, one of the tigers
always told theh truth. One always told a lie.
How would you go about getting safely out of the room?
I'm reminded of a letter some poor professor wrote to Playboy about his
inability to get vanity plates with the initials of his college on them.
The man taught at the Tennessee Institute of Technology and honestly
never gave the initials a second thought. When told by DMV that the
initials were obscene, he started a market in monogramed tee shirts and
ties (The ties said T.I.T. and the tee shirts for the ladies said "I
like a T.I.T. man!)
I was in the city the other day, when a drunk came up to me and
said "for $10 I'll teach you to talk like an Indian!
I said "how?"
He said, "see, you're learning already"
I thank my lucky stars I'm not superstitious.
"Mrs. Jones, can Billy come out and play baseball with us?"
"Johnny you know Billy can't play baseball he was born with
no arms or legs."
"That's O.K. we want to use him as second base."
A really stupid man walks into a drug store and says he wants
to buy a condom. The druggist says, "Fine. That'll be $1.10."
"$1.10!?" says the man.
"Yes," the druggist says. "One dollar for the condom and ten
cents for the tax."
"Tacks?!!!" says the stupid man. "I thought you rolled them
One day a big swarm of bees came through town. All of the bees swarmed
over to the Shell Gas Station except one, who went to the Esso station.
Moral: There's an Esso bee in every crowd.....
Hear about the Gay hacker in Australia who left his wife and went back
Then there was that famous composer Bach, who, whenever
he worked away from home, developed a hearty appetite.
So every time he went on a trip he packed a huge lunch:
6 sandwiches, 3 apples, some cheese, and a selection of
cookies. This became known as a "Bach's Lunch."
When Billy Shakespeare went swimming one day he was
obsessed with the notion that gypsy moths had been
feeding on the back of his trunks! He asked a friend to
investigate and make a thorough search. The friend
replied, "No holes, bard."
I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
Have you heard the one about the tribe of Basques who lived
in this valley? They heard that barbarian hoards were
approaching, so they decided to lay a trap. They all waited
in the hills at the entrance to the valley. When the
barbarians passed by, they descended on them.
Unfortunately, the barbarians had a lot more experience at
warfare than the Basques did, and the Basques got
slaughtered. The moral: Don't put all your Basques in one
Cheer up! Yesterday won't matter tomorrow.
Benny was very lonely.One day a Genie appeared to him
and said:"Benny,I will send you the girl of your dreams-
My only command to you is that you grow a long beard,and
never shave it off" Well,Benny was overjoyed and soon
was as happy as can be!For many years this happiness
continued;but one day Benny thought to himself:"it's
been so long,it will be OK if I shave now".So Benny
shaved off his beard;and an hour later was struck by
lightning and burned to death.What is the moral of this
story? A Benny shaved is a Benny burned!!!!
I want what money can't buy -- more money.
Ther once was a woman from Sidney..
Who said she could take one to the Kidney...
Along came a man from Quebec
and gave her one to the neck.
Jack be nimble
Jack be quick
Jack jumped over the candle stick.
Great BALLS of fire!!!!!!! OOOuch!!
The was a man from Nantucket
Who had one so long he could suck it.
So he said with a grin, as he wiped his chin
If my ear were a C--t I would F--k it...
What does a balloon and a virgin have in common?
-One prick and its gone.
Two guys were drinking in a bar. The second guy says to the first
guy "You want to see something amazing?" and pulls out of his
pocket a miniature piano. The first guy says "What is so amazing
about that?" The second guy then reaches down and brings up a
little man, puts him at the piano, and the little man starts
playing. The first guy, amazed at what he saw asked "Where did
you get that?" The second gut said, "I was walking along the
beach when I found this bottle. When I rubbed it this genie came
out and said I could have one wish. Apparently he was hard of
hearing because he gave me a 12-inch pianist."
two guys walk into a bar - one is very handsome, and obviously
quite well off; the other is loud, obnoxious and a general jerk
to everyone he encounters.
the bartender asks the first man - "What are you hanging
around with HIM for?"
the man replies, "well - i found this bottle on the beach;
when i opened it, a genie appeared and said he'd grant me three
"my first wish was to be the best looking man in the world.
and now i am.
"my second wish was to be the richest man in the world. now i
lend Michael Jackson money.
"my third wish was to have the world's biggest prick; that's
when HE showed up..."
What do you call 2 skunks doing " 69 " ?
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...