To whom should I go to for some self-help? When Alexander The Great was waging war on the entire known world of his time,

To whom should I go to for some self-help?

When Alexander The Great was waging war on the entire
known world of his time, it chanced that he recieved a
slight spear-wound on his wrist. Wrapping an old cloth
around it, he continued the battle. After victory was
his, one of his aides noticed that the dried blood on the
rag around Alexander The Great's wrist was lining up on
it in such a way that if one looked at it in the light
of the sun it resembled a sundial; and you could tell the
correct time! So they called it: Alexander's
Rag-Time-Band.

A Short History Of Humbugs
Humbugs are an old and noble family, honorable to the
core- Insecticus Humbugium, if I may use the Latin. They
fought in the crusades with Richard the Lion Heart, crossed
the Atlantic with Columbus, blazed trails with the pioneers,
and today many members of the family hold prominent
government positions throughout the world. History is full
of Humbugs.

Do artificial plants need artificial water?

Women! You can't live with them.....can't deep fry 'em.

There was this little kid in grade 2 whose name was Johnny.
He went to school with grade 2's. (!) Anyway, every Monday,
after school the teacher would ask the student's in Johnny's
class some trivia questions; if they answered the questions
correctly, the teacher promised them that they wouldn't have
to go to school for the rest of the week.
One Monday, the teacher asked the students:
"What is the chemical symbol for Potassium"
Since the kids were only in gr. 2, they didn't even
know what potassium was. The next Monday, the teacher asked:
"In what year did Mt. St. Helen's first explode?"
Of course, the students didn't answer. Johnny was
getting kind of peeved with these kind of questions. The
next Monday, Johnny brought a pair black squash balls
to school with him. Just as the teacher was about to ask
the weekly question, Johnny rolled the marbles toward the
front of the room. The teacher, not seeing him, got agitated
and said "Alright, whose the comedian with the 2 black
balls?"
Johnny, just a-laughing answered "Bill Cosby, See ya
next week!"