A doctor on his rounds in a mental hospital sees a couple of patients
behaving rather strangely. The first man is sitting on the edge of his
bed clutching an imaginary steering wheel and making loud noises not
unlike a Kenworth...VRROOOOM,VRRROOOOMM,....SCREEEECH.......
"What are you doing?" enquires the doctor.
"I'm taking this road train down to Barcelona," replies the ex-trucker.
Somewhat taken aback but not to be put off the doctor moves on to the
next bed where he can see some very energetic activity going on underneath
the covers. On pulling them back he finds a man totally naked face down
into the mattress.
"And what are you doing?" asks the doctor, a little perplexed.
"Well," pants the man, "While he's in Barcelona I'm f*****g his wife."
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long.
What should I do?"
"I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do
"Oh.. half a pack a day."
"Starting NOW, no more smoking."
The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?"
"Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer
or two every once in a while."
"Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions."
The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?"
"Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff."
"Starting now you are going on a very strict diet: you are going to eat
only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese."
The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?"
"Do you want to live long?"
"Absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet."
The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?"
"Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly.
"As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more
sex for you. None."
The man is appalled.
"Doc... are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?"
"I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem
like an eternity!"
A guy goes to his doctor and is told that he has 6 months to live.
"6 months!!" he exclaimed. "What am I supposed to do in only 6 months?"
His doctor told him, "Marry a JAP and move to Montana."
"Why?" the guy asked.
"Because 6 months will seem like an eternity!"
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...