Related:

• Some simple truths of life by George Carlin... 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
  2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor....
• From The Wit of Steven Wright: ** Last night I played a blank tape at full blast.
  The mime next door went nuts. ** If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?...
• The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
  Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah decides to check up on the animals....
• Thoughts to ponder... Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?...
• Things to think about.... -Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
  -It's a dog eat dog world out there. And they're short on napkins....
• AN IRISH BULL IS ALWAYS PREGNANT It's time throw some bull -- not just any kind of bull, but an Irish bull.
  And while we're at it, let's throw a whole herd of Irish bulls....
• The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.
  5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?...
• Letters to God from children" Dear God, In Sunday School they told us what You do.
  Who does it when You are on vacation? - Jane Dear God, I read the Bible....
• One Liners If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer....