The Unofficial Manual For Graduate Teaching Assistants Teaching Introductory Computer Science Courses For Non-majors LATE HOMEWORK When A Student Turns In His/her Project Two Weeks Late And Asks For Full Credi

Home › Short Jokes › Jokes from Emails

The Unofficial Manual for Graduate Teaching Assistants Teaching
Introductory Computer Science Courses for Non-majors
LATE HOMEWORK When a student turns in his/her project two weeks late and
asks for full credit, accept the late work and tell them that it will be
awarded full credit. However, do inform them that you will not have time to
grade it until after you complete your Ph.D.
DISRUPTIVE STUDENTS 1. If students will not stop talking when the class
period begins, announce that there will be a quiz the following day on
today's lecture. Then leave. 2. If your students are prone to reading the
school paper in class, try taking out a full page ad in the paper informing
them that they are going to flunk your class.
LECTURES 1. In the event that you are unprepared for a lecture, be sure to
use the class time to stress to the class the importance of keeping up with
the readings. In fact, spend most of the class time stressing this. 2. When
the time comes to lecture on a subject you know nothing about, the art of
controlled digression is invaluable. Here, you try to incite unrelated
questions from the class which you answer at length. Then at the end of
class scold them for digressing and tell them they'll just have to get the
material from the book.
GRADING 1. Always use a fire engine red felt-tip marker with a 1/2 inch tip
to grade papers. Position your comments strategically so that they spell
"DUMB" when seen from a distance. 2. You may grade assignments however you
like. Here is a guide to quick and easy grading: 20 % Name 20 % Penmanship
50 % Homework is stapled together 10 % The work itself Warning: Be prepared
for a 60% class average.
GRADING ERRORS If student A approaches you complaining that an answer on
their exam was marked incorrect but was marked correct on student B's exam,
promptly mark student B's answer incorrect as well. This will redirect the
heat from you onto student A.
EXTRA CREDIT 1. If students request extra credit to make up for the homework
they didn't turn in, be sure to make the opportunity available to them. Some
good extra credit problems are: Solve the dining philosopher's problem,
using semaphores. Write a C compiler for the Commodore 64. Translate Moby
Dick into ASCII-8 code with a leftmost odd parity bit. Design a replacement
for the 80486 chip. Build a File Allocation Table (FAT) out of balsa wood.
2. You may also wish to tell the student that they can do extra credit work
while you decide whether to accept it. When the student turns in the work,
decide against it.
CHEATING 1. When it is obvious to you that several people have copied each
other's homework, grade one person's work on a separate sheet of paper, then
photocopy your comments onto everyone else's homework. 2. Should you have
very skilled cheaters in your class, try giving incorrect information during
your lectures. This should result in incorrect answers on exams. Examples
that have proven effective include: The three components of a computer
system are Larry, Moe and Curly. The only possible digits in the binary
system are 0, 1, and 2. The three components of the CPU are the ALU,
REGISTERS and cheap bathroom lighting fixtures. The microphone is an output
device. "Booting" the computer involves waving a large magnet over your hard
drive for 60 seconds. MS-DOS is the operating system for the CRAY Y-MP. When
preparing to purchase a new computer system running Windows, you should make
sure it has at least 128,000 bytes of main memory. Protocols include
saluting your computer and calling the mouse "sir". CPU stands for Ceramic
Public Urinal. Structured Programming says that you can write any computer
program using only three basic control structures: Sequence, Selection and
Guessing.
LAB You are expected to spend at least 4 hours each week in the lab to
assist with student's questions. Students have been known to come up with
some real beauties: "Why should I save it? I wasn't done yet." "My disk
erased itself!" "Hurry up, I need help. This was due last week." "Directory?
What's that?" "What do I need my textbook for? I'm using a computer." Here
are the solutions to the most common problems: P: "The screen is blank - I
can't see what I'm doing" S: Turn on the monitor P: "How do I get into
Windows?" S: Stare at it long enough and it will start to look like candy.
P: "I can't get this computer to do anything." S: Have them move to a
computer that has a keyboard. P: "The stupid printer printed the wrong
file." S: Reprimand the printer. P: "WordPerfect didn't do what I told it to
do." S: Tell them they have to earn its respect first.

Related: