APPLICATION TO LIVE IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN
Daddy (if unknown, attach list of three suspects):__________
Mama:__________
Neck shade: Light red( ) Medium red( ) Dark red( )
Number of teeth exposed in a full grin:
Upper:_____ Lower:_____
Make of Pickup Owned:__________
Size of Tires:__________ Number of Beer cans on floor:_____
Truck equipped with:
( )Gun Rack ( )Mud Flaps ( )Camper top
( )American flag ( )Rust ( )Fuzz buster
( )Spittoon ( )Running boards ( )CB Antenna
( )Deer Decals ( )Load of wood ( )Roll bar
( )Hijack Shock ( )4-wheel drive ( )Mud tires
Bumper stickers:
( )I Eat Road Kill ( )Honk if You're Horny
( )Michi-gander ( )Where the Hell is Atlanta
( )Old Fart ( )Honk if you love Jesus
( )Wood is Wonderful ( )I Snatch Kisses and Vice Versa
( )All You Ecological Bastards Can Freeze to Death in the Dark
Favorite Beverages:
( )Bud Light ( )Miller Lite ( )LaBatts ( )Mick-Lite
( )Jack Daniels ( )Budweiser ( )Molson ( )Moosehead
( )Saginaw Tap Water
Favorite Singer:
( )Elvis ( )George Jones ( )Johnny Cash
( )Conway Twitty ( )Loretta Lynn ( )Slim Whitman
( )Willie Nelson ( )Hank Williams Jr. ( )Other
Favorite Recreation:
( )Square Dancin' ( )Drinkin'
( )Bass Fishin' ( )Drinkin'
( )Bass Fishin' with Live Bait ( )Drinkin'
( )Bluegrass Fest ( )Drinkin'
( )Mud Boggin' ( )Gettin' Drunk
Favorite Weapons:
( )Tire Iron ( )Snowmobile or ATV ( )Crowbar
( )Fillet Knife ( )Pick Handle
Number of Dogs:______
Type: ( )Pit Bull ( )Black & Tan ( )Loose Dog Pedigree
Cap Emblem:
( )Stihl ( )Shit Happens ( )Eat me ( )Skoal
( )John Deere ( )Cat ( )Budweiser
Memberships:
( )NRA ( )Sex Unlimited ( )Beer Drinkers of America
( )Ducks Unlimited ( )Trout Unlimited ( )Fish & Game Club
( )Snow Warriors ( )PTL Club
Length of Right Leg:__________ Length of Left Leg:__________
How many cars do you have on blocks in your front yard? _____
How many kitchen appliances do you keep on your front porch (working or not)?
_____
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend? _______
Do you wear polyester pants with snags? ___________
Last time oil was changed in your jeans: __________
Do you own any shoes (not counting boots): _________
Are you married to any of the following:
( )Sister ( )Cousin ( )Cousin's sister ( )Son
Does your wife weigh more than your pickup? __________
Skinnier than pulpwood? ____________
Worth more than your chair? ________
Can you count: ( )Past 10 with your shoes on
( )Past 21 with your fly up
Have you ever had more than one bath in a week? _____ Month?_______
Medical information: Do you have at least 3 of the following:
( )B.O. ( )Stutter ( )Yellow teeth ( )Fleas ( )Green teeth
( )Tatoos ( )Crabs ( )Runny Nose ( )Head Lice( )Crossed Eyes
Daddy (if unknown, attach list of three suspects):__________
Mama:__________
Neck shade: Light red( ) Medium red( ) Dark red( )
Number of teeth exposed in a full grin:
Upper:_____ Lower:_____
Make of Pickup Owned:__________
Size of Tires:__________ Number of Beer cans on floor:_____
Truck equipped with:
( )Gun Rack ( )Mud Flaps ( )Camper top
( )American flag ( )Rust ( )Fuzz buster
( )Spittoon ( )Running boards ( )CB Antenna
( )Deer Decals ( )Load of wood ( )Roll bar
( )Hijack Shock ( )4-wheel drive ( )Mud tires
Bumper stickers:
( )I Eat Road Kill ( )Honk if You're Horny
( )Michi-gander ( )Where the Hell is Atlanta
( )Old Fart ( )Honk if you love Jesus
( )Wood is Wonderful ( )I Snatch Kisses and Vice Versa
( )All You Ecological Bastards Can Freeze to Death in the Dark
Favorite Beverages:
( )Bud Light ( )Miller Lite ( )LaBatts ( )Mick-Lite
( )Jack Daniels ( )Budweiser ( )Molson ( )Moosehead
( )Saginaw Tap Water
Favorite Singer:
( )Elvis ( )George Jones ( )Johnny Cash
( )Conway Twitty ( )Loretta Lynn ( )Slim Whitman
( )Willie Nelson ( )Hank Williams Jr. ( )Other
Favorite Recreation:
( )Square Dancin' ( )Drinkin'
( )Bass Fishin' ( )Drinkin'
( )Bass Fishin' with Live Bait ( )Drinkin'
( )Bluegrass Fest ( )Drinkin'
( )Mud Boggin' ( )Gettin' Drunk
Favorite Weapons:
( )Tire Iron ( )Snowmobile or ATV ( )Crowbar
( )Fillet Knife ( )Pick Handle
Number of Dogs:______
Type: ( )Pit Bull ( )Black & Tan ( )Loose Dog Pedigree
Cap Emblem:
( )Stihl ( )Shit Happens ( )Eat me ( )Skoal
( )John Deere ( )Cat ( )Budweiser
Memberships:
( )NRA ( )Sex Unlimited ( )Beer Drinkers of America
( )Ducks Unlimited ( )Trout Unlimited ( )Fish & Game Club
( )Snow Warriors ( )PTL Club
Length of Right Leg:__________ Length of Left Leg:__________
How many cars do you have on blocks in your front yard? _____
How many kitchen appliances do you keep on your front porch (working or not)?
_____
Have you ever stayed sober for a whole weekend? _______
Do you wear polyester pants with snags? ___________
Last time oil was changed in your jeans: __________
Do you own any shoes (not counting boots): _________
Are you married to any of the following:
( )Sister ( )Cousin ( )Cousin's sister ( )Son
Does your wife weigh more than your pickup? __________
Skinnier than pulpwood? ____________
Worth more than your chair? ________
Can you count: ( )Past 10 with your shoes on
( )Past 21 with your fly up
Have you ever had more than one bath in a week? _____ Month?_______
Medical information: Do you have at least 3 of the following:
( )B.O. ( )Stutter ( )Yellow teeth ( )Fleas ( )Green teeth
( )Tatoos ( )Crabs ( )Runny Nose ( )Head Lice( )Crossed Eyes
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