Once, A Traveling Salesman Was Driving Along An Old Country Dirt Road, Miles From Civilization.

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Once, a traveling salesman was driving along an old country dirt road, miles from
civilization. Things would have been fine, but needed to take a shit, real bad.
So, at the next farm house he found, he stopped and asked the farmer if he could
use his restroom. "Sure thing," said the farmer, pointing to an old, dilapidated

Well, the salesman was obviously in something of a hurry, so he didn't argue with
the man. He dropped his drawers, and (avoiding splinters), took his seat. Well,
before and during such a grand movement, he was too busy to take note that there
was nothing with which to clean up with afterward. When he DID notice, it was too

"Sir," he called to the farmer, still doing chores on the outside, "there doesn't
seem to be any toilet paper in here. How am I supposed to clean up?"

"Well, do you see that open slot in the wall?"

"Yeah, I do," said the salesman, looking at what at first appeared to be a large,
horizontal space between the boards in the side of the outhouse.

"Well, here's what you do: use your hand to clean off, and when you're finished,
stick your hand in the slot, and it'll be cleaned right off."

The saleman was skeptical, and also a bit squeamish, but he had no choice. He
cleaned himself off as best he could, and stuck his hand through the slot, into
the daylight.

Now, just on the other side of the wall, outside the hole, there was a monkey,
holding two bricks. When the man's hand appeared through the slot, the monkey
smashed those bricks together as hard as he could, sandwiching the man's hand.

Back in the john, the man cries out in pain as his hand gets smashed, pulls it
back in, and sticks the hand in his mouth.