On a local radio station the Mental Health Association had this message

On a local radio station the Mental Health Association had this message:
"Does someone in your family suffer from schizoid?
You are not alone..."
(No kidding!!! Neither are they!!!) Guess the writer's strike has gone
further than we thought!

Note that we used to refer to our phone number as 1-800-IBM-DISK. We have
been told by IBM Corporation that we can't do this anymore. While it is
tempting to represent IBM as a bully picking on the little guy, we do see
their point. The use of their trademark in such a generic sense can lead
to a dilution of their identity. (Besides, they have more lawyers than we
have disks.) So, in the future, please think of our phone number as:
For the amateur radio crowd: 1-800-HAM-DISK
For all you couch potatoes: 1-800-HBO-DISK
For purists: 1-800-426-3475
Even: 1-800-I-AM-DISK (hear me roar)
But not, we repeat, NOT as: 1-800-IBM-DISK
We thank you for your support in this matter.

Two bums were seated on a park bench stealing food from the pigeons.
"Say," said one. "If you suddenly found a million bucks would you lend me
one hundred?"
"That depends," said the second. "What security you got?"

Well folks. It is Wednesday May 11 in Seattle and the weather forecast
is for 80-85 degrees and sunny! Since this is a rare event in the area,
one of the local radio stations asked listeners to call in excuses for
playing hooky today.
Some of the ones I remember:
"The extension cord isn't long enough for my electric car"
"With all the sun we've been having, the blackberries have grown across
my front path and I'm trapped."
"Religious reasons. I'm a sun worshipper"
"I just forgot" (Told on the next day)
"The air conditioner (at work) is broken."

Last week while the House of Representatives was voting on a funding bill for
the Strategic Defense Initiative, the House vote-tallying computer broke down.
The computer reported a vote of 358 ayes and 237 nays on an amendment to kill
the SDI program offered by Reps. Ron Dellums and Barbara Boxer. The House only
has 435 members.
The irony was not lost on the opponents of the SDI. Nevertheless, the "manual"
count of voice votes revealed defeat of the amendment 299-118.

Beetle is talking to Zero, says something like, "Hey, Zero. If you
can tear this piece of paper in half, I'll give you a quarter." Zero
then proceeds to tear the paper in half. Beetle takes one of the halves,
tears it in half, and gives it to Zero, saying, "Here's your quarter!"
Zero wanders off, saying how neat that is and wouldn't it be great to find
someone else to pull this on. He comes across Sarge and says, "Hey,
Sarge! If you tear this paper in half, I'll give you 25 cents..."