Seen on an Armour food can:
PORK BRAINS in Milk Gravy
Ingrediants: Pork Brains, Milk, Water, Salt, Corn Starch, Sodium Nitrite.
SCRAMBLED EGGS and BRAINS
Drain brains, combine with 5 beaten eggs and salt and pepper to taste.
In fry pan, cook in melted butter or margarine on medium heat, stirring
to prevent sticking.
3 to 4 servings.
Wendell, with a thirst for gore,
Nailed the baby to the bathroom door.
Mother said, with humor quaint,
"Wendell, dear, don't chip the paint."
Little Willie with a shout
Gouged the baby's eyeballs out
Stomped on them to make them pop
Mother said: "Please, William, stop"
Little Willy was a chemist
Little Willy is no more...
For what he thought was H2O
Little Willy stabbed his sister
She was dead before we missed her
Little Willy's always up to tricks
Ain't he cute, he's only six.
Little Willy played with dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite.
Curiosity never pays,
It rained Willy seven days.
Seen on a tee-shirt in Yellowstone park
Two bears sitting back against rocks, picking teeth.
One bear says... " I just love it when the stupid bastards play dead."
A single lane bridge in Marin County has a sign which reads:
Unsafe to cross bridge when water covers this sign.
This is the conversation that will take place many years from now when
the crew of Starship Enterprise returns to earth and discovers your
newly acquired ti computer.
"Can you operate it, Spock?"
"Well, Jim, this computer was designed and constructed 300 million
years ago by a totally alien race of methane-breathing, squidlike
beings who built it using technologies unknown to us and used it
for purposes we cannot conceive of and then mysteriously vanished
leaving no shred of documentation as to its operation. It may
take a few moments."
This is mostly a human interest story, but in the loads of junk mail I receive
daily one inparticular caught my attention. I received an application for
a Star Trek Visa! On the card is the title "Star Trek - The Enterprise Card"
along with a very nice picture of Enterprise from TNG and the typical holographic
dove and Visa symbol in the corner. The interest rate is an absurd 21.9%
with a yearly fee to boot. But the way this thing is sold in the brouchure
is haliarious. To quote a few:
"Easy to apply..easy to qualify. Stand-by for lift-off..to welcome you to
STAR TREK VISA!"
"Use you card where ever you go...across town or across the galaxy!"
"Get cash when you need it...You'll encounter no time warps with STAR TREK
VISA. You can use you card to get cash at over 102,000 banks and... " blah,
"Journey to new frontiers...The next gerneration...your generation...is coming
What will they think of next?
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...