5000 Years Ago Moses Said, "Pack Up You Camel, Pick Up Your Shovel, Mount Your Ass, And I Will Lead You To The Promised Land.

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5000 years ago Moses said, "Pack up you camel, pick up your shovel, mount
your ass, and I will lead you to the promised land."
5000 years later, F. D. Roosevelt said, " Lay down your shovel, sit on your
ass and light up a camel, this is the promised land."
Today, the president will tax your shovel, sell your camel, kick your ass,
and tell you that the promised land is in Japan.

My vote for dumbest user in the galaxy goes to the soul who called
the dial-up consulting lab with this problem:
USER: I was told I needed a modem to use the campus mainframes... Well
I bought a modem. Now how do I use it?
CONS: First you have to hook it up to your computer, or install it in
one of the card slots.
USER: Computer? I need a computer?

Q: How do you call circucision for a rabbit?
A: A hare cut.

Found on a T shirt:
It's not a bald spot, it's a solar panel for a sex machine.

What is white with red strips?
A baby with a potato peeler.

How do you turn a cat into a dog?
Pour petrol over the cat and light it.

How do you turn a dog into a cat?
Throw the dog into the deep freeze, take it out then
run out through a bandsaw.