Bravely Bold Sir Redshirt Beamed down from Enterprise

Bravely Bold Sir Redshirt
Beamed down from Enterprise.
He was not afraid to die
O Brave Sir Redshirt!
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways.
Brave, Brave, Brave, Brave Sir Redshirt!

He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp.
Or to die by phaser blast
with an eel in his ear. [ Cap. Terrell]
To have his body crushed
as a little plastic cube. [ by any other name]
And his salt all sucked away, [ man trap]
Brave Sir Redshirt.

His blood sucked out, [ obsession ]
and his cells implode, [ that which surv.]
and his body cut up
for a robot form, [ ilia ]
And his skin boiled off
in the Engine room, [ spock ]
and his penis --

Kirk: shut up, ensign.