Husband Quotes:
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said,"
Dust!"
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and
rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said
"I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said,"God, I
wish I had your will power."
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every
country, son.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's
still alive."
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for
free.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word
you say, talk in your sleep.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I
got married; and then it was too late."
A little boy asked his father, "Taddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying!"
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said,"
Dust!"
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and
rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 5 drinks.
A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said
"I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said,"God, I
wish I had your will power."
Do you know the punishment for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law.
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every
country, son.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted". Next day he
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's
still alive."
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for
free.
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word
you say, talk in your sleep.
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I
got married; and then it was too late."
A little boy asked his father, "Taddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying!"
Related:
- MARRIAGE HUMOR
MARRIAGE HUMOR
by Jack Henshall
-
Some old...some new How do most men define marriage... - A LIGHTER LOOK AT MARRIAGE
Getting married is very much like going to a continental restaurant with
friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the... - A FEW THOUGHTS ON MARRIAGE
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.... - At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on thewrong finger?" The
other replied,
"Yes, I am, I married the wrong man." After a quarrel... - Edited by Brad Templeton. MAIL, yes MAIL your jokes to watmath!looking!funny .
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. I... - A black guy and a gorilla go into a bar together. He says to the
bartender,
"I'd like a beer, and a gin and tonic for my girlfriend... - The ark lands after The Flood. Noah lets all the animals out.
Says, "Go and multiply." Several months pass. Noah... - You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.
%end of list------------- Female to guy: Hi, you... - W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<<<
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while...
