Ken's Letter To Santa: Dear Santa, It Has Come To My Attention That One Of My Colleagues Has Petitioned You For Changes In Her Contract, Specifically Asking For Anatomical And Career Changes.

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Ken's Letter To Santa:
Dear Santa,
It has come to my attention that one of my colleagues has petitioned you for
changes in her contract, specifically asking for anatomical and career
changes. In addition, it is my understanding that disparaging remarks were
made about me, my sexuality, and some of my fashion choices. I would like to
take this opportunity to inform you of issues concerning Ms. Barbie, as well
as some of my own needs and desires:
First, I, along with several of my colleagues, feel Ms. Barbie DOES NOT
deserve the preferential treatment she has received over the years. That
chick has everything. Neither I, nor Joe, nor The Raggedys, Ann &Andy, have
dream houses, Corvettes, dune buggies, evening gowns, and some of us do not
even have the ability to change our hairstyle. I have had a limited
wardrobe, obviously designed to complement but never upstage Ms. Barbie.
My decision to accessorize with an earring was immediately squashed, which I
protest, for it was my decision and reflects my lifestyle choice.
I would like a change in my career to further explore my creative nature.
Some options which could be considered are "Decorator Ken," "Beauty Salon
Ken," or "Broadway Ken." Other avenues which could be considered are:
"Go-Go Ken," "Impersonator Ken", or "West Hollywood Ken." These would more
accurately reflect my interests and, I believe, open up markets that have
been under served. As for Ms. Barbie needing bendable arms so she can "push
me away", I need bendable knees so I can kick her to the curb. Bendable
knees would also be helpful in other situations of which you are aware.
In closing, further concessions to that Blonde Bimbo Barbie, while the needs
of others within my coalition are ignored, will result in legal action to be
taken by myself and others.
And kindly tell Ms. Barbie she can forget about G.I. Joe.
Sincerely, Ken