LAWYERS *Q.* What Do Lawyers Use For Birth Control?

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*Q.* What do lawyers use for birth control?
*A.* Their personalities.
*Q.* What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer?
*A.* A tick falls off of you when you die.
*Q.* Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their
*A.* To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the
same service.
*Q.* What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?
*A.* Not enough sand.
*Q.* What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead
lawyer in the middle of the road?
*A.* There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
*Q.* What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?
*A.* A Doberman.
*Q.* What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
*A.* One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
*Q.* Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps?
*A.* They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out
which side to spit on.
Lawyer's creed:
A man is innocent until proven broke.
*Q.* What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull?
*A.* Lipstick.
*Q.* What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer?
*A.* Chelsea Clinton
*Q.* Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are
walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred
dollar bill. Who gets it?
*A.* The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
*Q.* It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?)
*A.* I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
*Q.* A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's
"$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer.
"Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man.
"Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
*Q.* Do you know what happens when a lawyer takes Viagra?
*A.* He gets taller.