"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise"
"Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant."
"Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies."
-- Gene Hill
"In dog years, I'm dead."
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
-- Aldous Huxley
"A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times
before lying down."
-- Robert Benchley
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's
how dogs spend their lives."
-- Sue Murphy
"I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to
bite people themselves."
-- August Strindberg
"No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless
absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
-- Fran Lebowitz
"Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a
grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They
must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!"
-- Anne Tyler
"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious
-- Rita Rudner
"My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to 99 cents a can.
That's almost $7.00 in dog money."
-- Joe Weinstein
"If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have
known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons."
-- James Thurber
"You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with
-- Nora Ephron
"Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are
-- Ann Landers
"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and
get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein
"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should
have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him."
-- Dereke Bruce, Taipei, Taiwan
"Of all the things I miss from veterinary practice, puppy breath is one of
the most fond memories!"
-- Dr. Tom Cat
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
-- Ben Williams
"When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem."
-- Edward Abbey
"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look
like the dog did it."
"Money will buy you a pretty good dog, but it won't buy the wag of his
"No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog
-- Christopher Morley
"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves
-- Josh Billings
"Man is a dog's idea of what God should be."
-- Holbrook Jackson
"The average dog is a nicer person than the average person."
-- Andrew A. Rooney
"He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life,
his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat
of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion."
"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite
you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
-- Mark Twain
"Things that upset a terrier may pass virtually unnoticed by a Great Dane."
-- Smiley Blanton
"I've seen a look in dogs' eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed
contempt, and I am convinced that basically dogs think humans are nuts."
-- John Steinbeck
** A reminder to those that live in the United States: Today is "Stamp out
Hunger Day", the day to leave CANS of food in your mailbox. Anything you can
spare will help someone who is REALLY in need (WE all have a can that we can
live without... they don't). Pass on the reminder and with today's joke.
Now, On to the humor...
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...