Voice Mail My wife and I can't come to the phone right now,

Voice Mail
My wife and I can't come to the phone right now,
but if you'll leave your name and number,
we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
A is for academics, B is for beer.
One of those reasons is why we're not here.
So leave a message.
Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money.
If you are my parents, please send money.
If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money.
If you are my friends, you owe me money.
If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money.
(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine.
Suddenly the telephone rings!
The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale
in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds!
Will he make it in time?
Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain.
The bell hath sounded.
Thou must leave a message.
Please leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent.
Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us.
Hi. I'm probably home,
I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.
Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya.
We can't pick up the phone right now,
because we're doing something we really enjoy.
Sonya likes doing it up and down,
and I like doing it left to right... real slowly.
So leave a message,
and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.