A COLLECTION OF ONE-LINERS Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm Eagles may soar,

A COLLECTION OF ONE-LINERS
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever-so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
Support bacteria-they're the only culture some people have
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain
Black holes are where God divided by zero