Dad's Words Of Wisdom Don't Ask Me, Ask Your Mother.

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Dad's Words of Wisdom

Don't ask me, ask your mother. Were you raised in a barn? Close the
door. You didn't beat me. I let you win. Big boys don't cry. Don't
worry. It's only blood. Don't you know any normal boys? Now you
listen to ME, Buster! I'll play catch after I read the paper. Coffee
will stunt your growth. A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it
off.. Get your elbows off the table. I told you, keep your eye on
the ball. Who said life was supposed to be fair. Always say please
and thank you. That way, you get more. If you forget, you'll be
grounded till the end of the world. You call that a haircut?
"Hey" is for horses. This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
Turn off those lights. Do you think I am made of money? Don't give me
any of your lip, young lady. You call that noise "music"? We're not
lost. I'm just not sure where we are. No, we're not there yet. Shake
it off. It's only pain. When I was your age , I treated MY father with
respect. As long as you live under my roof, you'll live by my rules.
I'll tell you why. Because I said so. That's why. Do what I say, not
what I do. Sit up straight, knucklehead! So you think you're smart ,
do you? What's so funny? Wipe that smile off your face. Young ladies
perspire, they do not sweat. If I've told you once, I've told you
a thousand times. C'mon, you throw like a girl. You want something
to do? I'll give you something to do. You should visit more often.
Your mother worries. This is your last warning. Your mother
worries. If you shake it more than three times, you're playing with
it. I'm not sleeping, I was watching that channel. What keeps those
jeans of yours from falling off? I'm not just talking to hear my
own voice! Don't believe anything you hear and only half of what
you see. What do you think I am, a bank? What part of NO don't you
understand? I don't care what other people are doing! I'm not everybody
elses father! You're not leaving my house dressed like that! What will
other parents think? Could those sleeves be any longer? You look like
a bag lady! Headache remedy: Put your head through the window and the
pain will be gone. Worrying about things you can't change is like a
rocking chair... it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you
anywhere. Hurt much? I didn't feel a thing. I feel for you, but I
can't reach you from here. If you're gonna be dumb, you've gotta be
tough. Didn't your teacher learn you anything?! You can marry a rich
guy just as easily as you can a poor guy. It's hard to be good, and
easy to be bad. If you're going to steal a car, at least make it
a Cadillac (but don't call me asking for bail.) I got my tongue
wrapped around my eye-tooth and couldn't see what I was saying. Men
are like buses. Just wait on the corner and another one will come
along. Don't tell on anybody unless you tell on yourself first. Hey,
did you hear me talking to you? You know you're always gonna be Daddy's
little girl. I'm not watching television. I'm resting my eyes. Don't
use that tone with me! Am I talking to a brick wall? If I catch you
doing that one more time, I'll.. Act your age. Two wrongs do not
make a right. Wipe your feet! Enough is enough! Don't make me stop
the car! What did I just get finished telling you?