BAGHDAD, IRAQ- April 23, 1997 - Saddam Hussein today announced his pledge to
fight terrorism, starting with "the fool who crashed my 286 with junk e-mail
spam". The iron fisted leader went on to state that it took nearly five years
to scavenge the countryside for stray computer parts "just to get on the
net." After months of receiving busy signals from America Off Line, Saddam
was finally able to negotiate (handshake) with the AOL server. He then went
to download his e-mail, expecting to receive the customary AOL welcome e-mail
message. But much to his dismay he was hit hard by Sanford Wallace's spam
puking Cyber-Bomber Program.
The attack consisted of endless copies of the exact same junk e-mails such
as "Get Rich Quick", "Internet Porno Site Adverts", etc., etc.. The attack
was so hard & heavy that Saddam's 120 MB hard drive simply crashed within
a matter of minutes. Saddam stated that Mr. Wallace has got himself in the
same predicament as Salman Rushdie, and will have nowhere to hide.
Reaction amongst netizens was generally positive, and in total agreement
with Saddam's decree.
Sources at the Pentagon stated that Mr. Wallace will most likely be placed
in the Wit-less Protection Program (funded by a new tax on all e-mails).
Furthermore, Pentagon Officials were so impressed with the capabilities of
the Cyber-Bomber Program, that this highly effective technology will now
become property of the Department of Defense. No further details were given
in regards to further research and development of junk e-mail spamming as
a weapon of mass irritation.
10 RULES FOR FEMALE AOL'ers
1. Before deciding you're falling in love with a man you meet on AOL,
and you tell him your bra size and other measurements, be sure he's not your
long lost cousin, who used to live in the Ozarks and boil his own soap, but
now has a corner office and works for IBM....
