1- Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
2- I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
3- "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
4- Friends help you move. "REAL" friends help you move bodies.
5- I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
6- The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
7- We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
8- Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
9- The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
10- Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
11- The secret of the universe is @*^^^ NO CARRIER
12- Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
13- I'm not a complete idiot...some parts are missing!
14- Always remember you're unique, just like everybody else.
15- Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
16- Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
17- There's too much blood in my alcoholic system.
18- Artificial intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
19- I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
20- Learn from your parent's mistakes...use birth control!
21- Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
22- I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
23- Double your drive space...delete Windows!
24- If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
25- Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
26- Consciousness: that annoying time between drunkness.
27- I use to have a handle on life; then it broke.
28- I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
29- When there's a will, I want to be in it.
30- Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
31- Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
32- We have enough youth; how about a Fountain of Smart?
33- All generalizations are false, including this one.
34- Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
35- Intel: We put the "um..." in Pentium.
W H Y C O P S H A T E Y O U <<<<&l <
-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...