25. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.
24. No food is allowed in the hall in high school. In college,
food must be provided at an event before students will come.
23. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder;
in college, on both.
22. In college, the professors can tell you the answer
without looking at the teacher's guide.
21. In college, there are no bells or tardy slips.
20. In high school, you have to live with your parents.
In college, you get to live with your friends.
19. In college, you don't have to wait in a certain
lunch line to be cool.
18. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn't
heard of it.)
17. In high school, you're told what classes to take.
In college, you get to choose; that is, as long
as the classes don't conflict and you have the
prerequisites and the classes aren't closed and
you've paid your tuition.
16. In high school, if you screw up you can usually
sweet-talk your way out of it. In college,
you're lucky to ever talk with the professor.
15. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration;
in college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when
the bars close.
14. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your
grade than your high school final exams ever did.
13. In high school, when the teacher said, "Good morning," you
mumbled back. In college, when the professor says, "Good morning,"
you write it down.
12. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college,
senior guys hit on freshman girls.
11. In college, weekends start on Thursday.
10. In college, it's much more difficult to figure out the course
schedule of the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure
out where he/she will be walking around campus and at what
time to find them there.
9. Once you've obtained the information described in #10, it's much
more time-consuming to run between classes to that place where
you know he/she will be in order to "just happen to bump into
him/her."
8. In college, there's no one to tell you not to eat pizza three
meals a day.
7. In college, your dad doesn't pay for dates.
6. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from
Mom and Dad.
5. College men are cuter than high school boys.
4. College women are legal.
3. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don't
need a note from your parents saying you were skip....uh,
sick that day.
2. In high school, you can't go out to lunch because it's not
allowed. In college, you can't go out to lunch because you
can't afford it.
1. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.
COLLEGE "BURGER JOINT" CONVERSATIONS FROM AROUND THE NATION
MIT: "I had a nervous breakdown this weekend."
"Have some fries."
Caltech:"I had three nervous breakdowns this weekend."
"Have some fries."
Yale: "I got mugged on the way to class today."
"Have some fries."
Brown: "I got a nose ring this weekend, Professor Smith."
"Cool! Me too! Have some fries."
Swarthmore: "I got a B."
"Anywhere else it would have been an A. Have some fries."
Princeton: "My father took away my porsche this weekend."
"Poor dear. Have some escargot."
Harvard:"Did you do anything this weekend?"
"Nope. Have some fries."
Williams:"Don't I know you?"
"Of course you do, silly. Have some fries."
Cornell: "I killed my lab partner this weekend."
"Bummer. Have some fries."
Vassar: "I'm so stressed and by the way, I'm gay."
"Ditto. Have some fries."
Columbia:"I wish that I could be eating these fries at a better school."
"Me too. Let's go get shot."
Penn: "I wish that I could be eating these fries at a better school."
"Me too. Let's transfer to Columbia."
Stanford:"Dude, I have so much work this weekend."
"Like, chill out dude. Have some fries."
Dartmouth:"Oh, man, I got so trashed this weekend. It was awesome."
"Have some beer."
Wellesley:"God I'm desperate."
"Me too. Have some fries."
Miami(Fla.): "I hear another tourist got shot"
"Yeah, sucks. Have another Bean Burrito."
Georgetown: "I hooked up this weekend."
"Have some fries."
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-if you have to ask get out of the way-
Have you ever been stopped by a traffic cop and, while he was
writing a ticket or giving you a warning, you got the feeling that
he would just love to yank you out of the car, right through the
window, and smash your face into the front fender?...
