Top Ten Cool Things About Being the World's Fastest Man 0.

Top Ten Cool Things About Being the World's Fastest Man

0. Allowed to race wearing nothing but a "World's Fastest Man" sash
9. You're set for life as the new spokesman for Speedy Muffler King
8. You can get a bitc*&^' new vanity plate like "FastDude"
7. By sprinting from one side of the board to the other, you can
play checkers against yourself
6. Have easy excuse when girlfriend complains after sex
5. You're rarely, if ever, referred to as "lard a*&"
4. You actually have time to use a separate shampoo and conditioner
3. Nobody bothered by the cardboard lightning bolts you pasted to
your head
2. Get to meet the world's fattest man and ask, "So what's it like
to be president?" *
1. When visiting New York, you can actually outrun the gunfire


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