You can tell it's going to be a rotten day when...
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You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
You see a '60 minutes' news team waiting in your office.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and
they aren't there.
You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
You wake up to discover your waterbed has broken, then remember you don't have
a waterbed.
Your car horn goes of accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of
Hell's Angels down the motorway.
Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat.
You wake up and your braces are locked together.
You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex wife.
Your income tax cheque bounces.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
Your pet rock snaps at you.
Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
Author unknown........But troubled.
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;;; The demise of the Bad-Joke mailing list was on July 8, 1979. ;;;
;;; Its destruction was neccessary because things got out of hand ;;;
;;; but the jokes of the once great list are here... ;;;
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You wake up face down on the pavement.
You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
You call suicide prevention and they put you on hold.
You see a '60 minutes' news team waiting in your office.
You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party and
they aren't there.
You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the city.
You wake up to discover your waterbed has broken, then remember you don't have
a waterbed.
Your car horn goes of accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a group of
Hell's Angels down the motorway.
Your wife wakes up feeling amorous and you have a headache.
Your boss tells you not to bother taking off your coat.
You wake up and your braces are locked together.
You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your business.
Your blind date turns out to be your ex wife.
Your income tax cheque bounces.
You put both contact lenses in the same eye.
Your pet rock snaps at you.
Your wife says, "Good morning, Bill" and your name is George.
Author unknown........But troubled.
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
;;; ;;;
;;; The demise of the Bad-Joke mailing list was on July 8, 1979. ;;;
;;; Its destruction was neccessary because things got out of hand ;;;
;;; but the jokes of the once great list are here... ;;;
;;; ;;;
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
Related:
- You Know It's Going to Be A Bad Day When:
1. You wake up face down on the pavement.
2. You put your bra on backwards and it fits better.... - 12-Jun-79 DON bad day
[From a lazy day at Xerox]
You know it's going to be a bad day when .
. . . . . your twin sister forgets your birthday.... - You know it's going to be a bad day when . . .
1. your twin sister forgets your birthday.
2. you wake up face down on the pavement. 3. you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.... - You know it's going to be a bad day when . . .
. . .
your twin sister forgets your birthday. . . . you wake up face down on the pavement.... - YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF...
A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna
on the radio in your work area for better reception
All your sentences begin with "what if"
At Christma
it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma Dilbert is your hero Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel People groan at the party when you pick out the music The blinking 12... - Things to do When Bored
-Wax the ceiling -Rearrange political campaign signs
-Sharpen your teeth -Play Houdini with one of your siblings
-Braid your dog's hair -Clean and polish your belly button
-Water your dog.
..see if he grows -Wash a tree -Knight yourself -Name your child Edsel -Scare Stephen King -Give your cat a mohawk -Purr -Mow your carpet -Play Pat Boone records backwards -Vacuum your lawn -Whine -Rake your carpet -Re-elect Richard Nixon -Critique "Three's Company" -Listen to a painting -Play with matches -Buff your cat -Race ferrets -Paint your house.... - 100 Ways to Confuse Your Roommate
1. Insist that you are a vegetarian and protest anytime your roommate
eats meat.
Then leave "Slim Jim" wrappers on the floor and lie on the bed holding your stomach everytime your roommate walks in.... - You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.
.... %end of list------------- Female to guy: Hi, you look like a real wanker.... - She (to passing man): Excuse me, do you have the time?
He: Do you have the energy? What is your favorite position on extramarital sex?...
