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• Christmas 2000 A new contract for Santa has finally been negotiated.
  ...Please read the following carefully....... I regret to inform you that, effective immediately, I will no longer be able to serve Southern United States on Christmas Eve....
• Perfection There was a perfect man who met a perfect woman.
  After a perfect courtship they had a perfect wedding....
• Politically Correct Santa 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's a wreck.
  ... How to live in a world that's politically correct?...
• By Lore Shoberg, velcro@ucscb.ucsc.
• By Lore Shoberg, velcro@ucscb.ucsc.EDU SANTA CLAUS IS WEILDING A GUN (to the tune of "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town") Oh
  you better watch out You better not pry You better stay back I'm telling you why Santa Claus is wielding a gun He's making a list And checking it twice Gonna find out who He's gonna ice Santa Claus is wielding a gun Don't give him any trouble He'll blow you right away Don't give him any cause to shoot Or you'll make his Christmas Day Oh, you better believe He's packing a rod No coal in your stocking Just lead in your bod Santa Claus is wielding a gun He doesn't want cookies Or none of that crud He doesn't want milk What he wants is your blood Santa Claus is wielding a gun (Music Bridge, with automatic arms fire) He doesn't trust nobody Shot all his reindeer dead Thought Dancer was a sissy And thought Rudoulph was a red Oh, you better watch out You better not pry You better stay back I'm telling you why Santa Claus is wielding a gun (c) 1987 Lore Shoberg, velcro@ucscb....
• The Complete Set Of Blonde Jokes -------------------------------------- 1.
  Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?...
• Rudolf the red knows rain, dear...
• Q: Do you know why Santa Claus doesn't have any children?
  A: Because, he only comes once a year and then it's down a chimney....
• Unknown From: SilkyKW There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
  However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau)....