Related:

• Lisa: That story isn't suitable for children.
  Chief Wiggum: Really? I keep my pants on in this version. -- "I Love Lisa...
• Let that be a lesson to the rest of you nuts!
  -- Chief Wiggum addresses a bowl of walnuts, "I Love Lisa...
• Attention all units!
  Riot in progress at (*click*) -- Chief Wiggum turns a deaf ear, "I Love Lisa...
• Lou: Here's your man, chief. Wiggum: Cecil? I think not.
  This looks like the work of crazy old Sideshow Bob....
• Homer: You know, one day, honest citizens are gonna stand up to you crooked cops!
  Chief Wiggum: [suddenly afraid] They are? Oh, no!...
• Wiggum: OK, boys, we've got a clue: the bullet they took out of Burns.
  Now, let's discuss the, um...[picks up Agatha Christie book] mo- tive....
• PORNO WESTERN -- a movie in which all the guys are hung.
• Wiggum: Hold it right there. [gets out his car] Well, if it isn't Springfield's finest little babysitter, Lisa Simpson!
  Lisa: Hi! How are you?? Wiggum: Um, I'm fine....
• Moe: Freddy Quimby was with me the entire...night in question.
  We were collecting canned goods for the starving people in....