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• Under the wide and heavy VAX Dig my grave and let me relax Long have I lived, and many my hacks And I lay me down with a will.
  These be the words that tell the way: "Here he lies who piped 64K, Brought down the machine for nearly a day, And Rogue playing to an awful standstill....
• Rachel: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon?
  ! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker? Phoebe: No-no-no oh, keep your name, don_t take his name....
• Homer: Welcome to the Simpson residence or "casa de Simpson," as I call it.
  Grimes: Yeah, what did you want to see me about, Simpson?...
• I phoned my dad to tell him I had stopped smoking. He called me a quitter. -- Steven Pearl
• Do you know JESUS? If so, tell him he owes me $2.
• Aunt Patty: "Nothing dear, I'm just trashing your father.
  Lisa: "Well, I wish you wouldn't because, aside from the fact that he has the same frailties as all human beings, he's the only father I have therefore he is my model of manhood and my estimation of him will govern my prospects of my adult relationships....
• Under the wide and heavy VAX Dig my grave and let me relax Long have I lived, and many my hacks And I lay me down with a will.
  These be the words that tell the way: "Here he lies who piped 64K, Brought down the machine for nearly a day, And Rogue playing to an awful standstill....
• How many graduate students -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  I don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my advisor a $...
• My grandfather gave me a watch. It doesn't have any hands or numbers.
  He says it's very accurate. I asked him what time it was....