How many bassists -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?

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• How many bassists -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Five-one to do it and four to beat back all the guitarists...
• How many bassists -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand...
• How many bassists -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  It doesn't matter. Nobody will notice anyway...
• How many Australians -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  One, but you have to pry him off the sheep first...
• How many men -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Only one, but you have to nag him for a fortnight first...
• How many cataloguers -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  One, but the Library of Congress has to do it first...
• How many Canadians -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Only one, but he has to see an American do it first...
• How many doctors -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which...
• How many Harvard/Oxford students -- does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  Just one. He grabs the bulb and waits for the world...