Related:

• This is a test of the emergency cunnilingus system.
  If this had been an actual emergency, you would have known it!...
• This is a test. Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.
• Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.
• Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed.
• This is a test of the emergency broadcast system. Had there been an actual emergency, then you would no longer be here.
• This is a test. For the next sixty seconds, this station will conduct a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.
  The broadcasters in your area, in cooperation with the FCC and local authorities, have devised this system in order to keep you informed in the event of an emergency....
• This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. If this had been an actual emergency, do you really think we'd stick around to tell you?