Related:

• Guys will actually judge women based on the way they're built .
  .. A lot of guys think the larger a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is....
• I wish outer-space guys would conquer Earth and make people their pets, because I'd like to have one of those little basket-beds with my name on it.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...
• I've been having trouble waking up. I actually dozed off at a red light.
  It was so embarrassing. There I was, out cold, other pedestrians nudging me to cross the street....
• He just kept rushing through the lovemaking. Which is the part I like, the beginning part.
  Most women are like that. We need time to warm up....
• June: [in Itchy's voice] Hi, Poochie. You look like you've got something to say.
  Do you? Homer: [Poochie voice] Yes, I certainly do!...
• When I was little, I went into a pet shop and they asked how big I'd get. -- Rodney Dangerfield
• Could I interest you in a pet rock?
• Call your Father today: I wish I still COULD!
• I'm a little upset. I just found out I have to have this little procedure done.
  Nothing complicated, but they tell me it is going to improve my vision about 70 percent....