Related:

• We gave him all the regular ones - the time-honoured lies that have done duty up the river with every boating-man for years past - and added seven entirely original ones that we had invented for ourselve
  including a really quite likely story, founded, to a certain extent, on an all but true episode, which had actually happened in a modified degree some years ago to friends of ours - a story that a mere child could have believed without injuring itself much....
• Abe: Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say "dickety" 'cause that Kaiser had stolen our word "twenty".
  I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles....
• I saw the play at a disadvantage. The curtain was up. -- George S. Kaufma
• Three Hundred Baud Tagline.
• A fella's talking to his priest. He said, "I gave up sex for Lent .
  .. Well, I tried to, but the last day of Lent my wife dropped a can of peaches and when she bent over to pick 'em up, I couldn't help it....
• The Poems, all three hundred of them, may be summed up in one of their phrase
  "Let our thoughts be correct". -- Confuciu...
• I owed my friend George $25. For about three weeks I owed it to him.
  The whole time I had the money on me---he didn't know it....
• The gods gave man fire and he invented fire engines. They gave him love and he invented marriage.