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• For Sale: Diamonds $20; microscopes $15.
• I have a map of the United States...actual size. It says, "Scale
  1 mile = 1 mile." I spent last summer folding it....
• Bulldog for sale. Will eat anything. Very fond of children.
• Looking at postcards is better than looking at the real thing.
• Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull.
  -- Actual excerpt from student science exam papers....
• Real live christmas tree for sale...used only 20 days..
• The earth is real. Only a fool, milking his cow, denies the cow's reality. -- Edward Abbey
• If you're an archeologist, I bet it's real embarrassing to put together a skull from a bunch of ancient bone fragments, but then it turns out it's not a skull but just an old dried-out potato.
  -- Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey...