Related:

• APOSTATE, n. A leech who, having penetrated the shell of a turtle only to find that the creature has long been dead, deems it expedient to form a new attachment to a fresh turtle.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• IMMIGRANT, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• EULOGY, n. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Opportunity, n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.
  -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary...