Related:

• Life's boring after 1000 years, so kill yerself!
• A woman went into a hospital one day to give birth.
  Afterwards, the doctor came to her and said, "I have some....
• If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.
  This is not to say that the doctor will not apply effort, and in the end, you may die beyond your means....
• Doctor: Krusty, your plastic surgery is complete. Now, when I remove the bandages, don't be alarmed by the total stranger staring back at you.
  [hands him a mirror] Krusty: Aah! I look exactly the same, you moron!...
• I never saw a purple cow I never hope to see one But I can tell you anyhow I'd rather see than be one.
  -- Gellett Burgess I've never seen a purple cow I never hope to see one But from the milk we're getting now There certainly must be one -- Odgen Nash Ah, yes, I wrote "The Purple Cow" I'm sorry now I wrote it But I can tell you anyhow I'll kill you if you quote it....
• It's [war is] instinctive. But the instinct can be fought.
  We're human beings with the blood of a million savage years on our hands!...
• I can remember when the doctor said that sleep was a good cure for whatever it was that ailed us.
  Now, we find that too much sleep is harmful....
• I've been married for forty-nine years and I'm still in love with the same woman.
  If my wife ever finds out she'll kill me. Now, take my wife. Please! -- Henny Youngma...
• Sprinters do it after years of conditioning.