Related:

• Comment overheard in a gay bar: "I simply loathe his assholier-than-thou attitude!
• Bart: Actually, numbers don't have much use in my future caree
  Olympic gold medal rocket sled champion!...
• Overheard in a bar: Man: "Hey, Baby, I'd sure like to get in your pants!
  Woman: "No, thanks, I've already got one ass-hole in there now....
• Man: Hey, Baby, I'd sure like to get in your pants!
  Woman: No, thanks, I've already got one ass-hole in there now. -- Overheard in a ba...
• Considering all the martinis I quite foolishly overindulged in with my date at the Zeta Beta house party last weekend
  he coed remarked ruefully, "I suppose you could say that I went and lost my olive....
• Burns: Now, let's get down to business. Homer: [thinks] Oh, man.
  I have to go to the bathroom. Why did I have all that beer and coffee and watermelon?...
• Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a danish!
• I would rather have my ignorance than another man's knowledge, because I have got so much more of it.
  -- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens) (1835-1910)...
• Doug: In episode 2F09, when Itchy plays Scratchy's skeleton like a xylophone, he strikes the same rib twice in succession, yet he produces two clearly different tones.
  I mean, what are we to believe, that this is some sort of a [the three nerds chuckle] magic xylophone or something?...