Related:

• Man: Hey, Baby, I'd sure like to get in your pants!
  Woman: No, thanks, I've already got one ass-hole in there now. -- Overheard in a ba...
• Kearney: I'm here about the nanny job. I'll keep a watchful eye on your kids and if they get out of line [smacks fist in palm] -- Pow!
  Homer: I like him. Kearney: Thanks. Hey, where do you keep the liquor?...
• ET Man: Tonight, all Hollywood's wondering who'll be chosen to co-star in the big new McBain pic, Mc Bain IV
  Fatal Discharge. [phone rings] Parker: Oh, you're watching?...
• Bart: [plays with Sergeant Thug's Mountaintop Command Post, making plane and machine gun noises] Abe
  Hey, watch it with that thing! [a missile launches out the window] My skull is eggshell-thin....
• Barney: These fumes aren't as fun as beer. Sure, I'm all dizzy and nauseous, but where's the inflated sense of self-esteem?
  [a man at the end of the bar slumps to the floor] Moe...
• Aw, poor baby, chipped a fang." -Leela "Hey, I got a busted ass here!
  I don't see anyone kissing it." -Bender "All right, I'm coming." -Zoidberg...
• Jacques: First, you must get to know your lane. Feel the slickness, feel the slippery finish.
  Caresses it, experience it. Quite smooth, isn't it?...
• Man, do I look like a cigarette butt?" "huh?" "Cause I sure feel smoked!" -- D Jagoda
• Bart: Hymns, here! I got hymns, here. Get 'em while they're holy.
  Fresh from God's brain to your mouth. Heh heh heh....