Related:

• What's page one, a preemptive strike? -- Professor Freund, Communication, Ramapo State College
• I will not do anything bad ever again.
• Hust a miunte. Typing with the baby in lap, again.
• I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it (your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage.
  -- English Professor, Providence College...
• I'm returning this note to you, instead of your paper, because it (your paper) presently occupies the bottom of my bird cage.
  -- English Professor, Providence College...
• Brodka: Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Simpson? This is detective Don Brodka from Try-N-Save security.
  That's right, Don Brodka. Your son Bart has been caught shoplifting....
• PRO: You can't get chlorine or salt in your eyes again.
  CON: You can't swim in a pool or the ocean ever again. -- Pros and Cons of Death...
• The Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest is held ever year at San Jose State Univ.
  by Professor Scott Rice. It is held in memory of Edward George Earle Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873), a rather prolific and popular (in his time) novelist....