Related:

• PRAY, v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete/Successfully in business.
  Cheat. BIBLE = A collection of fantastic legends without any scientific support....
• PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male.
  The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion....
• ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CONGRESS, n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary
• RESPIRATOR, n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London, whereby to filter the visible universe in its passage to the lungs.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• OPTIMIST, n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
  A pessimist applied to God for relief. "Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness," said God....
• SATAN, n. One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes, repented in sashcloth and axes.
  Being instated as an archangel, Satan made himself multifariously objectionable and was finally expelled from Heaven....
• ACCORD, n. Harmony. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary