Related:

• When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year.
  I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer....
• If you're like most homeowners, you're afraid that many repairs around your home are too difficult to tackle.
  So, when your furnace explodes, you call in a so-called professional to fix it....
• I found a mouse in my beer, eh.
• There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: "passive" systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and "active" systems collect the sunlight that hits your neighbors' homes, too.
  -- Dave Barry, "Postpetroleum Guzzle...
• I am a happy nerd in cyberspace, where nobody can see my haircut. -- Dave Barry