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• Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it. -- Dave Barry
• Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it." -- Dave Barry
• But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey.
  Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented....
• user, n: The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot.
  -- Dave Barry, "Claw Your Way to the Top" [I always thought "computer professional" was the phrase hackers used when they meant "idiot....
• As you know, birds do not have sexual organs because they would interfere with flight.
  [In fact, this was the big breakthrough for the Wright Brothers....
• Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it. -- Dave Barry