Related:

• I am in total control, but please don't tell my wife.
• I am in total control, but don't tell my cat.
• I am in total control, but don't tell my husband.
• I am in total control, but don't tell my life.
• My friend and his wife stayed in a hotel and got a bill for ninety dollars.
  He screamed, "For what, ninety dollars?" The desk clerk said, "For room and board, sir....
• My uncle staggered in the other night, loaded. His wife said, "Where have you been?
  He said, "I bought something for the house." She said, "What did you buy for the house?...
• I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed.
  So I said, "Get off me, you two!" -- Emo Phillip...
• You didn't say what you said I said you said.
• I told someone I was getting married, and they said, "Have you picked a date yet?
  I said, "Wow, you can bring a date to your own wedding?" What a country! -- Yakov Smirnoff...