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• In what can only be described as a surprise move, God has officially announced His candidacy for the U.
  S. presidency. During His press conference today, the first in over 4000 years, He is quoted as saying, "I think I have a chance for the White House if I can just get my campaign pulled together in time....
• Aristocracy is always cruel. -- Wendell Phillip
• If your monthly phone bill includes over seventy-five dollars' worth of calls to Entertainment Tonight 900-number opinion polls, get a life .
  .. If you always make a point to sit up front on a bus so you can "chat" with the driver ....
• The man with the best job in the country is the Vice President.
  All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How's the President?...
• If you could take all the laughter this man has given us, it would reach to the universe and fill up the black hole in space.
  ' -- Tony Orlando on Bob Hope...
• A woman went into a hospital one day to give birth.
  Afterwards, the doctor came to her and said, "I have some....
• Once a woman has given you her heart you can never get rid of the rest of her. -- Vanbrugh
• Agitation is the atmosphere of the brains. -- Wendell Phillip
• A statesman wants courage and a statesman wants visio
  but believe me, after six months' experience, he wants first, second, third and all the time - patience....