Related:

• Christian, n.: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.
  One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin....
• BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• TAIL, n. The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a world of its own.
  Excepting in its foetal state, Man is without a tail, a privation of which he attests an hereditary and uneasy consciousness by the coat-skirt of the male and the train of the female, and by a marked tendency to ornament that part of his attire where the tail should be, and indubitably once was....
• LAUGHTER, n. An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises.
  It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable....
• DARING, n. One of the most conspicuous qualities of a man in security.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• IRRELIGION, n. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• AUCTIONEER, n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Monday, n.: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...