Related:

• If I shot myself, my ex would sue me for the bullet.
• Don't make me speak in a New Language, Just let me tell you the way that I feel about you.
  I sure don't want to offend anyone, But if you take away my words, how can I tell you the truth?...
• People want to know why I do this, why I write such gross stuff.
  I like to tell them I have the heart of a small boy -- and I keep it in a jar on my desk....
• Rachel: So, come on, what was the big news Pete wanted to tell you Mon?
  ! Or should I say Mrs. Monica Becker? Phoebe: No-no-no oh, keep your name, don_t take his name....
• Homer: Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod! Oh my god! I danced with a gay!
  Marge, Lisa, promise me you won't tell anyone....
• Like corn in a field I cut you down, I threw the last punch way too hard, After years of going steady, well, I thought it was time, To throw in my hand for a new set of cards.
  And I can't take you dancing out on the weekend, I figured we'd painted too much of this town, And I tried not to look as I walked to my wagon, And I knew then I had lost what should have been found, I knew then I had lost what should have been found....
• A man was kneeling by a grave in a cemetery, crying and praying very loudly, "Oh why.
  .eeeee did you die...eeeeee, Oh Why..eeeeee, why did you Di....
• America has an exaggerated reputation for freedom and opportunity.
  A lady I work with from Peru still believes that any child who wants to go to college can go, and graduate, and find work as a white-collar paper pusher, and save money, and become rich, and get any medical care they need, and have happy, safe children....
• When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women.
  I shall tell it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now....