Related:

• DIPLOMACY, n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Idiot, n.: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• EUCHARIST, n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi.
  A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as to what it was that they ate....
• FELON, n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion, who in embracing an opportunity has formed an unfortunate attachment.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• RUBBISH, n. Worthless matter, such as the religions, philosophies, literatures, arts and sciences of the tribes infesting the regions lying due south from Boreaplas.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• CONSOLATION, n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...
• Dejeuner, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris.
  Variously pronounced. -- Ambrose Bierce "The Devil's Dictionary...
• MERCHANT, n. One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.
  -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary...