Related:

• People always get tired of one another. I grow tired of myself whenever I am left alone for ten minutes, and I am certain that I am fonder of myself than anyone else can be of another person.
  -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)...
• How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions.
  Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this....
• Pee-Wee''s favorite song: 'I touch myself'
• On a male's answering machine, otherwise reverse gende
  ) BEEP. (Female voice:) Hi Tony, this is Sheila....
• If reality wants to get in touch, it knows where I am.
• Computer generated voices:) 1: I didn't expect an answering machine.
  2: Nobody expects an answering machine. 1: Our chief use is to get your name....
• Yo. I ain't here at the moment. Leave a message at that silly beep and I'll get back.
  .. (Sniff, sniff...) Hey, what are you cooking? It smells good....
• Hello... Yes, I'd like to order two medium pepperoni pizzas please, with extra cheese.
  .. Oh, did I get the wrong number? Sorry about that....
• My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.
  -- Answering machine madness - family fu...