When Asked, "What Is A Contingent Fee?" A Lawyer Answered, "A Contingent Fee To A Lawyer Means, If I Don't Win Your Suit, I Get Nothing.
When asked, "What is a contingent fee?" a lawyer answered, "A
contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don't win your suit, I get
nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing."
Shit Happens' according to... Lawyer: For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.
When a lawyer tells his clients he has a sliding fee schedule what he means is that after he bills you it's financially hard to get back on your feet.
What happens when you cross a pig with a lawyer? Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer? A: An offer you can't understand.
Win Some Lose Some....But When Do I Win Some?
Ben, as your attorney, your friend, and your brother, I strongly suggest you get a better lawyer.
-- Jerry Horne, _Twin Peaks_...
IRS HUMOR EXAMPLE A: A lawyer, a doctor and a priest were marooned on a desert island.
So we confiscated their homes. IRS HUMOR EXAMPLE B...
I'd resign from the human race, but I can't get my membership fee back.
Marge: No, I will _not_ pay you $500 for sex! Home
Aw, come on, Marge! You're getting something in return, and I'm getting a bowling team....