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• Cheap Chinese TV, what did I ever buy it for...
  -- Homer tries to fix the TV set, "The Way We Wa...
• What did Medieval people do before television?" "Had tea, I suppose.
• Licensed remote control operator.
• People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they did yesterday.
• I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control. -- Steven Wrigh
• Q. What do you call a TV set that fixes itself? A. A Christian Science Monitor.
• Lisa: My dad is very sick. What's going to happen if he dies?
  Albright: Well, if he's been good, he'll go to heaven....